Star Wars Word Scramble

When I ran Anniversary 540, my fifth claiming anytime as Empress, I asked that at atomic one of the elements in the “A, or B” architecture accommodate a pun, but I see that the after-effects consisted absolutely of Pun Pun, and so this time you accept to appear up with a brace o’ puns. This presents a accident to amazing puns accompanied by unspectacular ones, so do your best.

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For advice and ball — and so you apperceive not to use these specific jokes — here’s the ink from Anniversary 540, appear Feb. 8, 2004. I’m above captivated that abounding of the Losers who got ink that anniversary abide to decay their time with us to this actual day. (One who’s angled out is the suggester of the contest, Russell Beland, who was at the time the Invitational’s highest-scoring Loser.) It was one of those weeks (like today’s results) aback the lion’s allotment of the ink went to a few abnormally aggressive people. But that was aback in the day aback there was no 25-entry limit; it’s absolutely acceptable that Russell, Chris Doyle, Tom Witte and Brendan Beary anniversary beatific me 100 or added puns to accept from. I’d apprehend the ink to be advance about abundant added this time.

Report from Anniversary 540, in which we asked for account or actual claiming to be presented in the “Rocky and Bullwinkle” “A, or B” architecture of accompanist puns or added halfwitticisms.

This appointment was attacked with abundant animation by a few bodies who bombarded The Empress with entries all anniversary long, including a brace who charge accept majored in Obscure European History at Wassamatta U. (the 1566 Compromise of Breda?).

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Third runner-up: 1975 — Metric Conversion Act anesthetized by Congress: Take Us to Your Liter, or Tens Anyone? (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Second runner-up: 2001 — Bush’s tax cuts: Deficit Attention Disorder, or No Rothschild Larboard Behind (Andrew Elby, Arlington)

First runner-up, the champ of the apparent old arid BobStaake.com coffee mug: 1066 — The Norman Conquest: Saxon Violence, or Let Me Run This Bayeux (Brendan Beary, Abundant Mills)

And the champ of the Inker: 1854 — The Charge of the Light Brigade: Fools Speed Ahead, or Is That Your Final Lance, Sir? (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

A timeline of Atonement Mentions:

65 actor years ago: Extinction of the dinosaurs: Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus, or You’re Looking Awfully Paleo (Danny Bravman, Potomac)

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c. 1250 B.C.: The Exodus: A Parting Wave, or I Aloof Dropped a Brace Tablets (Russell Beland)

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c. 1200 B.C. : Trojan War: The Last Time I Saw Paris, or Beware of Gifts Bearing Greeks (Chris Doyle)

c. 900 B.C. : The acumen of Solomon: Split Decision, or Halving My Baby (Russell Beland)

431-404 B.C.: Peloponnesian Wars: A Tale of Thucydides, or Hellas-a-Poppin’ (Chris Doyle)

31 B.C.: Octavian at the Battle of Actium: Surrender Unto Caesar, or Let’s Win One for Agrippa! (Chris Doyle)

1773: The Boston Tea Party: Of Tea I Fling, or Hurl Grey (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

1779 : France comes to the aid of America adjoin Britain: Lafayette You, Not With You, or Burgoyne to Be Sorry (Brendan Beary)

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1814: Napoleon is adopted to Elba: Corporal Punishment, or All This for a Lousy Palindrome? (Russell Beland)

1836: The Alamo: Mission Impossible, or Texas Toast (Tom Witte)

1846: The Donner Party disaster: Family Dinner, or Meat: The Parents (Bird Waring, New York)

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1846-48: The Mexican-American War: Juarez Hell, or Tijuana Accomplish Article of It? (Brendan Beary)

Late 1800s: Liberia adopts bullwork of built-in tribes: On the American Plan, or It Takes One to Own One (Russell Beland)

1907-14: The digging of the Panama Canal: Sedimental Journey, or The Abandoned Ditch of the West (Miles Townes, St. Andrews, Scotland)

1920-28 : Paavo Nurmi wins Olympic gold: Lapps the Field, or Nice Finnish Guys Last (Chris Doyle)

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1929-39: The Abundant Depression: American Idle, or Stock in Aboriginal Gear (Tom Witte)

1933 : Roosevelt declares a Bank Holiday: A Cure for the Runs, or Do Not Collect $200 (Russell Beland)

1935: Release of the bold Monopoly: Now Boarding, or Playing the Race Car (Russell Beland)

1937: The Hindenburg explosion: Dead Zeppelin, or Light My Flier (Dave Ferry, Purvis, Miss.; Russell Beland)

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1944 : The D-Day invasion: Strife’s a Beach, or Did Juno We Were Coming? (Michael Denyszyn, New York)

1957: Addition of the Edsel: Building a Car Bomb, or The Lemon Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree (Russell Beland)

1962: The Cuban Missile Crisis: Them Ain’t Cigars, or Armageddon Nervous (Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

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1968: The Soviets access Czechoslovakia: Croaking Prague, or Dubcek’s Bounced (Gordon Labow, Glenelg)

1969: The moon landing: One Giant Schlep, or Neil Before Me — Buzz Aldrin, Los Angeles (Cliff Cummins, Hyattsville)

1971: Admission of People’s Republic of China to the United Nations: Peking Into the Naked City, or A China in the Bull Shop (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

1996: The Clinton-Lewinsky scandal: Secret Service, or Insert Bill Actuality (David Iscoe, Washington) [Wow, risque for 2004!]

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1996: Clinton explains the situation: Her and Her Big Mouth, or I’m Incurably Semantic (Russell Beland)

1999: Bob Dole pitches Viagra: Where There’s a Pill, There’s a Way, or I’m as Horny as Kansas in August (Chris Doyle)

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2001: The Enron scandal: Piling It Up Fastow and Fastow, or A Man Is Known By the Company He Keeps Looting (Roy Ashley, Washington)

2003: Richard Grasso resigns: The Bucks Stop Here, or NYSE Seein’ Ya (Chris Doyle.)

2003: U.S. administration of postwar Iraq: Peace-Poor Planning, or Throwing the Baby Out With the Baath Water (Chris Doyle)

2003: Michael Jackson arrested: Goodbye, Mr. Chimps, or The King of Perp (Mary Ann Henningsen, Hayward, Calif.)

2004: Style Invitational succession: Czar He Goes, or Above the Call of Doody (Sue Lin Chong, Washington; Greg Krakower, New York)

Perhaps we can arouse Russ out of retirement for an encore.

Papermutations*: The banderole anagrams of Anniversary 1423

*Non-inking banderole by Kevin Dopart

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As anon as I saw the banderole anagrams at Anagram Times, a website beneath the Wordsmith.org umbrella, I knew that a archetypal Style Invitational claiming would appear of it. Thanks to Wordsmith’s Anu Garg for not alone absolution me rip off his page’s raison d’etre, but for absolutely bond to our claiming in his broadly broadcast newsletter, A.Word.A.Day. (Anu is additionally the man to acknowledge for the Anagram Checker tool, afterwards which this claiming would accept been about absurd to do.)

If you entered this contest, you apperceive what a claiming it is to adapt all the belletrist of a headline, with none larboard over — and not aloof that, but to end up with article that makes faculty as an English book — and not aloof that, but to accept that book accomplish some array of amusing point. So I wasn’t afraid at the week’s baby basin of entrants, not abounding added than 100, or that a lot of the ink went to a scattering of Losers, about all of whom accept acclaimed themselves in beforehand Invitational anagram contests.

The big account four weeks ago — admitting it ability assume like four hundred weeks ago — was Allegation 2.0, and abounding of the week’s entries centered on that all-important if abortive process. The account came mostly from The Post, and a lot from the New York Times, but affidavit and websites based all over the apple were alleged into service. (I’m consistently blessed to see bodies application their hometown papers, so abounding of which are in crisis of activity out of business.)

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In what adolescent Loser Duncan Stevens alleged in the Style Invitational Devotees accumulation this morning “the dog-bites-manniest account I can imagine,” Hall of Famer Jesse Frankovich got the Clowning Achievement first-prize trophy, a runner-up, additional four atonement mentions. Jesse has been an anagram astrologer for decades; in fact, he was already a brilliant of the Australia-based Anagrammy Awards (anagrammy.com) aback I analogously ripped off that affair in Anniversary 558 — aloof a few months afterwards the history pun claiming — and Jesse got his aboriginal Invite ink for the anagram “Earth Day: April twenty-second. = Hardy planet? We CAN abort it!”

Jesse has angled out far above anagrams for the Invite; he’s denticulate in around every affectionate of claiming he’s approved — and this is his 16th claiming win. But it’s his aboriginal for the new Clowning Achievement trophy. Analogously anagram-ink-bedecked are his compatriots in the Losers’ Circle: Kevin Dopart, columnist of a archetypal anagram of the Preamble to the Constitution, and Jon Gearhart, who already anagrammed the absolute argument of a several-paragraph letter that the Empress beatific to him forth with his prize, and beatific it aback to her.

In the addition to this week’s after-effects (scroll bottomward to them if they don’t pop up) I offered an bearding -- I never did attending up who wrote it -- archetype of the sometimes abstract combinations of words that constituted abounding an entry; if I had to attempt to accept the anagram, I didn’t use it.

And as always, I approved to abstain entries, about able-bodied crafted, that came off as so absinthian and affronted that it aerial the humor. (My awning appellation for this is “screediness.”) Which is why this accomplished anagram by Maurice Goddard of Norway — whose assignment in Anagram Times I cited as an archetype for this claiming — didn’t get ink this week:

As Trump’s allegation balloon kicked off, Palm Beach argued about whether to adios him from Mar-a-Lago = A appropriate fit abode for him, that macabre, wicked, savage, animal mad above POTUS? A brainy home! Lock him up!

What Pleased Ponch: As Ace Archetype Editor Doug Norwood, that slacker, continues to balance from a affection advance and associated fun, Panfilo “Ponch” Garcia has been shepherding the Invite through the archetype desk. This anniversary he noticed problems in two of the anagrams I hadn’t arrested yet — and I hadn’t alike told him about the Anagram Checker website. (I anchored one, had to bung the other.) Anyway, actuality are his faves, all from the atonement mentions: About all of them were the abbreviate ones — which indicates already afresh that “most impressive” doesn’t consistently beggarly best funny. First, though, Ponch cited Kevin Dopart’s diffuse clutter about the Texas ability abeyance in the cold: “Notable climate-hoax angle tricks town’s credulous, baffling addle-pate residents” (key to funny; “inexplicable addle-pate residents”). Afterwards that, they were all compact: “The glories of banknote = I forage, eat gobs, belch” (Jonathan Jensen); “Love, in all its permutations = A actor exploited prostitutes” (Duncan Stevens); “About the allegation balloon = A baffled Trump: ‘I abhor Mitch” (Jonathan Jensen) and “What are agent cogent us? = Get in! Her wall’s upstream!” (Chris Doyle)

O yawn? No way! The unprintables: I anticipate the edgiest one that I ran this anniversary was Jesse Frankovich’s alpha “Bastard Ted Cruz” (online only). But I don’t anticipate I charge to explain why I anticipation it best not to run any of the afterward in the Invite:

Films action added than blessed endings = Ah! Porn helps men break firm, do “effing” (Mark Raffman)

Biden’s supporters jockey for coveted ambassadorships = Oprah: Biden’s jockeys awning a forested bod, pimp-ass truss. (gyaadh, Frank Osen)

Breakfast can be great = Baked cobblers? Fasten anus. (Duncan Stevens)

Millions in anchor of chill benumb = Pilgrim fiancee: arctic clitoris (Duncan Stevens, who did specify this one as “Conversational only,” although I anticipate it would accept fabricated for a active altercation abutting Monday with the added attorneys for the FDIC)

This weekend: Podcast bastard preview!

“You’re Invited” host Mike Gips tells me that he’ll be bottomward — be added careful, Mike! — Episode 12 ancient this weekend. I’ll acclaim it added abutting week, but I can’t delay to accept to Mike’s allocution with his bedfellow Mark Raffman — in which he’ll admission a song parody, complete with Loser Jonathan Jensen on piano. Mark, an Invite Hall of Famer, is acclaimed in Loser circles for his innumerable takes on one accurate appearance tune ...

So break acquainted to bit.ly/invite-podcast, or chase for “You’re Invited” on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

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